Bintang 24 |
I am not joking that I am still falling in love with your words, the words that come from your amazing brain. Or I am just telling myself, why can’t I find another man that is better than you?
I read your Tumblr post and I realize you are still the same person that I met on last 2021. I am not joking these feelings are still the same, and they are still ‘there’.
You are still the same person I met in 2021, a person who still questions himself by asking ‘Why I am here’. I bet you are still the Irie-kun that I am waiting for. You still have the same worry about the future even at the same time you can make me calm about it.
When I just need 8 months to answer my own question ‘Why God sent me to this Jakarta’, you are still trying to answer that question — in Boston. I am not joking about the day I told Papa about you (lol every time I went to his grave I told him about you). Papa knows you already until I stopped to talk about you a few months ago. That’s okay. I just wanna set daughter-daddy’s time at that moment.
Living alone in Jakarta does not really too hard, not as hard as your life in Boston — I guess. I am still living my dream while updating my progress to Dad in silence and to you in your Line chat room that you blocked two years ago — as I requested. Sometimes are bad, and sometimes are grateful. Fabiayyi ala irobbikuma tukadziban.
There are some new hobbies that I took last year. And not gonna lie, I love cats and running right now. Cool, isn’t it? A girl who hated cats can hug cats easily right now. And yup! A girl who hated running so much before can do running twice a week this year. Sometimes I wonder when I do running, what does happen to me? But in the end, I just keep smiling and then run again — I know the reason is because I miss your existence and that’s all. Sometimes, I just need to run to refresh things and accept the fact I miss you.
Sometimes I also wonder if God will give us a moment to meet again. How it would be? Should I confess to you? or I just sit down beside you and wait for the rain to stop again like our last dinner in Bandung?
Really. I am not going to lie that I wish you can fulfill your promise by meeting up again after 2 or 3 years far away from me. But in the end, I just wish that you can live as you wished to live, and go where you wished to go. Please just finish your Ph.D. in five years as you promised it before, and just ignore the rest of it.
As you mentioned you still find the answer of ‘Why you live there’, I bet you didn’t realize or DIDN’T READ MY LONG LETTER.
Dear my dearest teman,
1) God sent you there to realize how much you love your family — including your future family. Don’t you realize you spend a lot of opportunity cost there? The loneliness that you felt paid off someday.
2) Life is not always about Dunya.
3) I love you and that’s all lol. I’ll be there soon to be your answer:)
Jakarta,
May, 14th 2023
0:54 a.m.
